


pick me (or him!)

by mateasha



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idol AU, M/M, i actually give tsumugi’s ex gf a personality and such, kinda? it follows their relationship in canon, lowkey self indulgent, original characters for story, shit attempts at being funny, tasuku and tsumugi are stupid, they don’t know how to express their feelings without the help of others
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24662464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mateasha/pseuds/mateasha
Summary: Tsumugi isn’t really the same after getting booted from the survival show, just missing the cutoff, which, believe it or not, can really mess with a person’s psyche. 2 years later, Tsumugi is getting back into the industry— meeting a familiar face.
Relationships: Takatoo Tasuku/Tsukioka Tsumugi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so. this fic was written because of a TSUMUGI CARD my friend sent me (who also helped me write some of this <3 love ya) anyways it got me thinking... MANKAI but... Idol... Yes. so i wrote it for my sake because i like to treat myself to no sleep and motivation thank u

Tsumugi wakes up to his phone blowing up to notification after notification.

He reads them top to bottom, a couple social media notifications, some spam emails and then an actual email.

_Thank you for signing up for the MANKAI auditions, Tsukioka Tsumugi! _

_ To prepare for the auditions, you must show a performance to anything, vocally or with dance. _

_ The auditions will be at 5 pm on Friday! _

First of all, what the hell? What the hell is a MANKAI? He’s never heard of the company. Tsumugi is completely taken aback. For starters, he hasn’t signed up for anything at all, so... he has no idea what they’re talking about, but Tsumugi knows who did this instead. 

And coincidentally, the next clump of notifications is from the culprit.

— from: Miya

> Tsumugi

> Hey hey hey

> I know youre awake respond to me

> Old bitches always wake up at this time

> Also you were awake last night doing whatever a 25 year old man does at 2 am idk

< My birthday was literally like... a month ago. Anyways, what do you need? I was preparing a curriculum.

> I signed you up for something

< ...What is it? I have a hunch I already know what it is.

> I signed you up for an entertainment company audition!!!!

< Yeah. Call me ASAP.

Tsumugi hesitates for a moment. It’s  way  too early for whatever Miya has planned. The block button is looking real nice this morning. But it’s too late, because the screen already pops up with her name on it. 

“Mornin’, sleepyhead!” Miya is out and about already. “Well, not morning anymore. It’s noon.”

“It’s  noon?” 

“Yeah? But that doesn’t matter! So... I signed you up for this entertainment company— I swear it’s a really good opportunity.”

“...You know I don’t do idol stuff anymore.”

“Listen, Tsumu. I know it’s surprising, but you literally have no fun anymore.” Miya pauses before starting again. “Ever since  _The Show_.” 

Everyone who’s close, or even just barely knows about Tsumugi knows about _The Show,_ and he’d prefer not to talk about that. His first reaction is to tell her to shut up, a habit seemingly borne from Miya’s habit of “doing things she thinks are good for him but actually are not and cause him mental turmoil”. Tsumugi is slowly compiling a list, which for now, consists of:

  1. Putting a “Honk if you love tiddies!” bumper sticker on his car (Tiddies are fine to him, I guess)
  2. Filling his room with multicolored balls, essentially turning his room into a ballpit (which he will admit, was enjoyable)
  3. Trying to get him a sugar daddy??? (not opposed to in general but the man had a kid and wanted to marry him as soon as they went on their first date)
  4. There’s a lot more but it would take up a 10 page packet, double sided



“I am fully aware that  _ The Show _ did things to me... but did you like... check the credibility this time? Did you like... think before you did something, and by something, I mean this, Miya?” 

“Yes! I actually did for once!” Miya puts down her phone just to clap for herself. “I know, I know, I’m amazing. Just thank me now in advance.”

“Miya, get to the point. You’re like... completely sure this isn’t like a scam?”

“Yes! I’m like... sure! I think. The building isn’t even that far from the apartment either! It’s really close, and from what I’ve seen, they only have one group, called XCHANGE.”

“They have XCHANGE?” Tsumugi is surprised for a bit. He’s never heard of MANKAI, but he’s heard of XCHANGE. They produce all their songs themselves, music videos, and everything. Tsumugi would be lying if he said wasn’t interested now.

“Yeah! I was surprised too at first... but this seems like a good opportunity. You’re basically sure to debut too if you pass! Least, that’s what’s on the flyer. Even if you don’t do “idol stuff” anymore, I still know you practice.” Tsumugi blushes at the mention of this.

“No I don’t!”

“Please. The walls are thin, Mariah.”

Tsumugi thinks for a bit about the situation.

“...Okay. This might be the like... first thing you’ve done on impulse for me that actually might be a good opportunity.”

“Please! All my acts are blessings in disguise.” Tsumugi can feel the brightness come through the screen, even if he can’t see Miya.

“...Somehow I can’t find it in me to believe you.”

“The balls? Those were fun! I hadn’t seen you smile like that for a while. That sugar daddy thing was  completely  well intentioned. But at least you now know the red flags of online dating!”

“Whatever you say, Miya.” Despite what he says, he knows that everything she’s done for him had it’s own roundabout way of being good for him. The ball thing might’ve annoyed him at first, but being able to let himself go was nice for a bit. Till the landlord came upstairs and complained about all the thumping and bouncing. “...Maybe I’ll agree with you for once.”

“Exactly! I am literally a saint. So are you going?”

Tsumugi thinks about it. He knows that he wants to do it again, he wants to be able to perform on stage. 

“I’m not saying you  have to , you can wallow in your stupid self pity circle jerk all you want, but I really do think this will be good for you.”

Maybe it will be good for him. Sometimes he misses the feeling of late nights practicing, singing, and coming back home exhausted, able to slap himself over his bed and pass out, and text... someone.

“... I’ll do it, just... never say self pity circle jerk again.”

“Yay!”

“But if they don’t debut me in like... the next month, I’m leaving.”

“Month?”

“Month.”

“Please! A month is like... nothing in idol years. But fine. As long as you get back into it.”

“This whole thing isn’t just a scheme to hang out with your girlfriend, right?”

“No, I swear!” She mumbles the next phrase just loud enough for Tsumugi to hear. “It’s a scheme so I can get my girlfriend’s big fat str—“

“Okay, okay, you can shut up now. I hate you. Goodbye.”

“Love ya! Muah!” 

Tsumugi hangs up, and can’t help but be reminded that he used to be dating that force of nature. But he knows that’s what he needed during that time after _The Show_.

Tsumugi doesn’t like to talk about _The Show_. The mention of it makes him flinch— it’s better now. Some part of Tsumugi is always gonna be 23, and so desperate to debut, to become better, but for some reason, he lets it wash away. There’s something powerful in the way he recites his final speech to the producers, while Tasuku sits up in his throne, happy, but crying for him. This is where everything this is, was, or will be the most important thing to him, but when he loses, it feels like the sky crashes down on him. Tsumugi is so close, so close, giving everything he has to get up there, to at least be 12th.

But his everything is never enough— it’s never been enough. He was okay with it, because it was always going to be like that, he was always meant to be eliminated to make space for Tasuku and all the other hard working trainees.

So he quits, and meets Miya.

—

It’s finally Friday, and Tsumugi is unreasonably anxious. He knows his skills are fine. 2 years isn’t crazy long right? And like Miya says, he practices still, and at least she says it’s good. (If he can impress her, he can impress anyone else.)

All day he’d been entertaining the idea of being in a group— might be completely unrealistic— but things happen in a month, but was never able to drum up a single coherent thought about what he was actually going to do in the chance he did get into the agency.

The 5 minute countdown starts, and he can feel his heart start to pound, and a text chime come from his pocket.

— from: Miya

> Are you at the auditions

< Yeah, why?

> Just wanted to know

> Heard one of your old trainee friends is auditioning

< Who?

> Tasuku 

> 1st place on _The Show_

< ... is it too late to leave?

> Fuck yes

> You have like 5 minutes left

< ... Why is he here? He has another group???

> I mean i heard he left for “undefined reasons”

< ...Miya.

> What

< Did you tell him?

> No i swear i didnt

> But i mean... at least someone you know is there

> Anyways your audition is starting

> Go gettem tiger

< ...Thanks.

There aren’t very many people here, honestly. When Miya tells him she found this flyer in the corner of a bulletin board in a cafe tucked away in the middle of a busy street filled with other, bigger stores, it makes sense— but there’s even less than he’s expecting.

He fidgets around with his phone for a bit, before doing a little mini practice in the room by himself to prepare himself before being called in.

“...Tsukioka Tsumugi?”

“Here!”

“Come in.”

Then he goes in, and begins.

—

Tsumugi wipes sweat off his brow before heaving some deep breaths, as the panel claps. The woman in the center seems impressed— if not just a little desperate for talent. 

“Thank you, Tsukioka-san. You may leave. You’ll hear from us in the next week, okay?”

“Thank you for your time. Goodbye.”

Tsumugi rushes out back into the waiting room, Tasuku just entering the room.

This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen .

Tsumugi isn’t confused to see Tasuku go into the waiting room after the texts as he heads out, but Tasuku notices him. 

“Tsumugi?”

“...Hi.”

“It’s been a... long time. Nice to see you.”

Tasuku doesn’t know what he’s expecting from Tsumugi, but he wants something. A reason to why he’s ghosted him for the past two years, a reason to why he’s there and ready like nothing happened, but nothing comes out.

“Well... I’m gonna go now. I’ll see you, if I pass.”

Tsumugi already knows it’s not even a question if Tasuku passes— I mean, being the most popular person in the group has its perks. Especially a free pass to a company like this.

— to: Miya

< I finished.

> So!!! Howd it go?

< I think I did fine. I made a couple mistakes though.

> Well everyone makes those

> If you pass im letting my gf move in okay

< Go ahead. I mean... you can have her move in anytime. She knows me, right?

> Well yeah

> (This is me saying that i already let her move in)

< ...You know what, I’m not even mad. I was expecting it anyways.

< Dinner?

> Hmmm yeah 

> My choice though

> Wanna talk about the auditions over dinner

< Yeah... would really appreciate it.

> Did you see that guy ?

> You good ?

< Yeah. I just need to talk about it.

—

When Tsumugi enters the apartment, Miya and Sayuri are making out. On the couch. Again.

”...Hey?”

”O- Oh!” Miya gets off of Sayuri quickly before facing him, running a hand through her own hair. “We... didn’t know you were coming back soon.”

Tsumugi rolls his eyes before setting the plastic bag he was carrying down onto the coffee table. “Obviously! It’s whatever, it’s not like I haven’t seen you guys make out like... almost every time you guys are alone and I come back.”

”Okay, but that’s aside the point.” Miya gets up and scrounges around in the bag before taking out her and Sayuri’s burgers before hitting the back of the couch with her back. “We watched the audition tapes you sent. No idea how you even got them that fast.”

”I’m a man of many talents.” Tsumugi sits down on the couch with them.

“Like what do you even mean, Tsumugi. Don’t go texting me like, ‘oh I did so bad, I made so many mistakes. You obviously passed. Like those videos? The vocals? You kinda snapped.” Miya is exasperated, making hand gestures that make Tsumugi fear for the wellbeing of the light fixture hanging over them.

“Yeah! I mean— I don’t know much about all this idol stuff but... I thought it was good! Doesn’t even look like you made a mistake.” Miya’s girlfriend takes a bite into the burger after speaking.

“Thanks... but like that’s not really what I wanna talk about. Obviously.” Tsumugi picks up a fry from the paper bowl, playing with it in between his fingers before throwing it into his mouth. 

“...Is it the Tasuku guy?”

“Yeah. I mean— what else? You saw my audition. Thought it was good— thanks for the input,” Tsumugi pauses a bit, taking another bite of his burger before starting again. “It’s just... You try talking to your friend you promised to debut with, not getting to debut with them, and getting so sad you ghost them for two whole years. What am I meant to say to him?”

“Address it? I mean that’s the only solution. You guys are adults!”

“You say that like confrontation isn’t scary. This whole thing was a mistake and I should just withdraw.”

“Tsumugi... you can’t run away from this forever.” Sayuri speaks up again, retreating back into her burger.

”And Sayuri is right! Once again.” She sits up from her seat, raising her arms, and hitting the back of the couch again. “You obviously aren’t happy. Not like... unhappy... just unsatisfied? I think this is like your calling. You have to stay too. Or I will do something _truly evil_. You can’t just give up because your garbage brain says no to talking to people you sort of wronged in the past!”

“I’m fully aware of that, thank you.” 

“Then why are you saying it’s a mistake? If it were me, I would say it’s fate. God himself is coming down and telling you fix your relationship up before he smites you himself.” 

“I’m not gonna quit, don’t worry. Just... I need time to process. I just need to think about what I’m meant to say about it.”

Sayuri starts speaking again. “You have a week at least. Just think about it. Brood over it like a teenager while you pack— it won’t hurt.”

“Well, if anything, I just have to do a month. Idol life is nice n’ all but... I don’t think I can do this again.”

“Trust me, Tsumu. This time is going to be different.”

— 

Tsumugi wakes up at noon again to another barrage of notifications next Friday.

— call from: Miya

“Tsumugi!” Miya is already sounding as bright as ever this afternoon. “Today’s the day!”

“Don’t remind me, please.”

“I’m just excited! You might finally move out.”

“You’re just excited I’m leaving, aren’t you.”

“... Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth?”

“Just give me the truth. I probably already know what it is.”

“I just want to make sweet, amazing, love with my girlf—“

“Okay, that’s enough. We’re finished.”

“So mean...” Miya puts her phone down, the camera facing upwards. “Tsumugi, ‘m getting called to do something. Text me the results later! Talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll text you what I get.”

Miya hangs up, and like it was right on cue, he gets an email.

_ Welcome to MANKAI, Tsukioka Tsumugi! _

_ Our panel has talked, and we believe you are well equipped to become a trainee, and even skip the trainee process. You are going to debut in a new boy group by next month, and you will move into the dorms by the end of the week! Please respond in the next week. Thank you! _

Tsumugi genuinely thinks he’s cursed now.

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the TSUMUGI CARD i was talking about:  
> https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Eternally_Straying_Encounter)_Tsumugi_Action_SSR.png  
> STOP LOOKING LIKE THAT, WHORE!!! ILL EAT U!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a twitter follow me babes  
> @knight_itaru

Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe what happens when Tsumugi begins to move in.

The room is quiet, except for a quiet scribbling on a paper, the blinds just open enough to let the afternoon light shine through. It’s tranquil, almost.

But Tsumugi comes in. 

He opens the door, getting ready to say hello to his new dorm mate— which honestly, would’ve still been awkward, but he would never admit that — but as soon as the man at the desk turns around, those purple eyes strike him in the heart. 

Tsumugi stumbles a bit over his words. “Hello... I’ll be your roommate.” Tasuku stands up and walks over to Tsumugi. He looks away, intimidated and then stares back at him, extending his hand. “Let’s... get along.”

Tasuku doesn’t respond, and points over to his side of the room. “Put your stuff there.” He completely ignores the extended hand.

For a second, the atmosphere feels almost like they’re back in high school in the music room together singing, when Tsumugi would go silent for a bit, staring at Tasuku. Tasuku has always been a good looking guy, (and it’s not gay to acknowledge that) but the illusion is broken when no one breaks the silence, with a “why are you staring at me” and a small chuckle to go along with it.

Tsumugi puts down his bags on the bed in the opposite side of the room, taking out a couple things in preparation for when he actually feels like unpacking. “I’ll be going.” Tsumugi doesn’t turn around before leaving.

Tsumugi doesn’t think about how things are different— when of course he already knows things are different. As soon as he saw Tasuku at the auditions, he knew it was different. When Tsumugi left the company, he knew it was going to be different.

When Tsumugi finally gets out of the room and into the dormitory hallway, he takes a deep breath, gathering himself, and taking out his phone. 

— to: Miya

< Miya

> Hm

> Youre texting me without me initiating the conversation what happened

< I think God hates me.

> Why

> Wait dont tell me...

> Is tasuku... the guy u saw your ROOMMATE??

< ...How’d you know? Am I that easy to read?

> Yes absolutely

> Oh my god thats fucking gold... r you okay though?

< Trying to be.

> Hey maybe this is your chance to settle whatever goes on

> Its a good opportunity

> At least take a breather or something

< Confrontation is scary. I just need... time.

> Message me when youre feeling better and need some good old advice 

> I am a sage

< Yeah, thanks.

  
  
  


Miya is no help, obviously, as he backs up against a hallway wall, and puts his face in his hands, taking a deep breath.

“Hey there? Are you okay?” 

“Hm?” Tsumugi looks up to see a long white haired man smiling at him. “Yeah? Just needed to breathe.” 

He looks at him again, a closer look this time, and he’s wearing pretty simple black and white clothes, with a black mask over his mouth, which he pulls down before speaking again. “Obviously. I would assume from the deep breath.” He laughs a bit. “Tsukioka-san, right?” His voice has an oddly calming quality to it.

“Yes. That’s me.” His words are stiff and come out awkward. 

“Ah... I’m Yukishiro-san. You can just call me Azuma, okay? We’re planned to be in the same group, so it’s best to be on a first name basis. I’d like to get to know you better!” He smiles, and it’s like he can hear sparkles twinkle in the air from the pristine facial features, almost shining on him like marble.

“Okay, Azuma. Call me Tsumugi if we’re doing this whole first name thing.” He fiddles with his phone’s camera lens in his pocket before taking it out to shake his hand.

“Got it.” Azuma puts his hands in his pockets before speaking again. “I’m going to the convenience store, right around the corner. Wanna come? Just going to get a couple snacks for the dorm. Maybe we’ll meet the others on our way! They’re all very nice.”

“Sounds nice. How far is it?”

“Not too far, probably a five minute walk.”

They don’t talk on their way through the hallway— the dorm oddly quiet for a Friday afternoon. Even if he hadn’t been here for long, it already feels warm with the light of the sunset shining through the windows. It’s almost like home. When they exit the dorm together, they start talking.

Azuma looks to Tsumugi considerately, while Tsumugi looks ahead at the road. “You seem to have met Tasuku. I know he can be intimidating.” 

“No... it’s not that.” Tsumugi reaches behind his head to scratch an itch that doesn’t exist. There’s already a difference in the air from whatever went on in the dorms, an odd calmness simmering in his bosom, makes him a little less stressed about whatever’s going to go on.

“Then what is it? Is he just that attractive?” He smirks a bit before chuckling a bit.

“H-huh? What? No, not that either! I’m not attracted to him like that... Not that there’s anything wron-“ Tsumugi is interrupted with a loud laughter, making him blush.

“Haha, it’s okay. Just teasing, see?” Azuma smiles again, almost making it easier to breathe. “I see. You seem to be familiar with him.” 

Tsumugi is still blushing. “Yeah. More than familiar.”

“I see... Well, it’s a good opportunity to talk to him, if things are so bad that you can barely get a couple words out about him, correct?” Azuma tilts his head inquisitively only for a moment. 

“You’re right.”

“Well, if anything, if you can talk to me if you need to vent or anything. My room is at the end of the hall.” He opens the door and ushers Tsumugi in before entering himself. “I’ll pay. I have to at least treat you to something after taking you out, right?

“Thanks, Azuma.”

Tsumugi shuts up and looks for food.

He is, against all reason, anxious again. 

Maybe it’s the way Azuma is already sitting down by the window, looking at Tsumugi, or the residual feeling of Tasuku’s look— which hasn’t changed from when he gave a look to some older trainee that was poking fun at Tsumugi, never thinking he would be on the receiving end of said look. He’s thinking about Tasuku, and when he comes to that stupid realization he can feel that boiling anxiety in his chest. He manages to ignore it for a bit while he takes out a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf, and hands it to Azuma.

“I’ll take this.” Tsumugi is sweating beads, or what feels like beads, and takes a seat for a deep breath, looking at the food on the counter already. “...What’s going on with the onigiri?”

“You haven’t met him yet, but it’s for one of the dorm mates. Usually he’s here looking at the shelves.” The shelves are stacked with different types of onigiri. “He loves these things. Or just triangles.” He laughs again. “Omi, one of the other group members always has to cut his food into triangles or else he has a hard time eating it. I don’t have the patience he has, but he seems to enjoy it.”

“What’s his name?”

“Misumi. I have a feeling you’ll meet him soon. We have to keep Omi and Misumi together for certain... reasons. I’ll be buying this stuff now, okay?”

Tsumugi nods and sits down at the table next to the window. Azuma gets up to walk to the counter, leaving Tsumugi alone, checking the time, just before 6 pm, checking his notifications laconically. Some emails he’ll let build up in his unread that’s reaching almost one thousand, a text reminder to get some of his indoor gardening things from Miya, some hideous emoji that Sayuri sent, remnants of a conversation he’d had through text with Miya even if they could just go to his room—

—and two notifications from Tasuku. From recently. Tsumugi swears under his breath first, and then slams his phone down, mentally preparing himself for something. Tsumugi doesn’t even know himself. Before he actually reads the messages, Tsumugi takes a deep breath and starts.

— from: Tasuku

> Why the hell are you here?

> Listen. I’m not saying I don’t want to work with you. I do not want to talk to you. I will not interact with you. Don’t respond. I don’t care.

What was he even expecting? I mean- he wasn’t expecting the biggest welcome but nothing like what he just got sent. He takes a deep breath and puts his phone face down. He puts his face in his hands.

“Tsumugi?” Azuma puts the onigiri and his pork bun on the counter before sitting down. “Haha, don’t cover your face— you’re very handsome.”

Tsumugi takes his head out of his hands and jolts out of surprise. “M-me?” He reaches behind his head to hold the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Haha, th—“

“Misumi?” Azuma looks to the window suddenly after hearing a loud thud. Tsumugi stares out the window again before a broad man begins to talk to Azuma and pushes Misumi inside.

“Sorry about that!” Azuma does a tiny wave before moving aside. “The taller guy is Omi, and you probably know Misumi.”

“Nice to meet y—“ Misumi rushes over to the onigiri, sitting down, and starts eating. “Wow, he’s fast.”

“Yeah, he is. Tsumugi, right? I’m a big fan.” Omi reaches out to shake his hand, Tsumugi returning.

“Really?”

The rest sit down. “I mean, we all are.” 

“Don’t tell him that! Now it seems like I’ve been keeping track of him, haha.” Azuma nudges Omi lightly in the arm, passing all the food around before taking a bite of the melon bun he bought for himself.

“Really? How? I’ve been gone for like... 2 years now?”

“You were amazing on Road to Godhood, and I swear that show was rigged.” Tsumugi flinches only a bit after hearing Omi say The Show’s name. “I thought you did well too! I was kinda angry, won’t lie.” 

Tsumugi laughs a bit before starting to talk again. “Thanks for telling me that. Anyways, do you guys have any... specific information on the group? I mean, since the group is debuting in a month, I’d like some information.” 

“Well, we’re part of a ‘project group’ and there will be collaborations with other groups that debut from this company as well, so I’ve heard from the management. They’re really nice, and you’ll see them around pretty often.”

“I see.” Tsumugi finishes his sandwich and throws it away, the rest following in his footsteps, except for Misumi, who’s ready to go with onigiri filling his pockets. “Well, I look forward to working with you guys.”

“I do as well, Tsukioka-san. Let’s get going, alright?” Omi stands up and smiles, before heading to the door.

“Just call me Tsumugi, okay?”

“Of course.”

  
  
  


Tsumugi and the others walk back to the dorm slowly. Maybe things aren’t that bad, he thinks to himself, before seeing the dead body at the door. 

“What is that? Who?” Tsumugi looks to Omi, before he shovels him up and carries him bridal style inside.

“This is Hisoka. He’s sleepy... a lot of the time. Most of us can’t even keep his attention. Except for Azuma, but he can do that with most people, right?”

“Does he just… sleep all the time?”

“He’s just tired.”

—

A week passes, and Tsumugi is fine— aside from the fact that Tasuku is ignoring him, which he tries not to mind, which is hard when he won’t even give him the time of day.

— from: Miya

> Sooo hows it been???

< Fine.

> You promised me weekly updates !!

< I didn’t, but it’s no big deal.

> Can i ask about him

< ???

> He ?? The Boy ??? 

< Tasuku?

> HIM

< He’s fine. Still won’t talk to me though.

> Keep trying !! You can do it i believe in you !!

> He has to talk to you... sometime

> Ill text u later okay? Sayuri wants to have dinner

< Okay. Talk to you later.

—

Tsumugi rolls over in bed before putting his phone down and putting his face against the pillow, only to pick his phone up again when he gets a text from Azuma. 

— from: Azuma

> tsumugi?

< Yes?

> omi wants to have dinner together today!

< Is that why it’s been smelling so good here?

> of course! omi is a good cook. anyways i’ll be there soon, okay? then we’ll start. i’m with tasuku as well.

< Oh. Well, I’ll see you there.

  
  
  


Tsumugi wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the group members haven’t picked up on the stale environment surrounding them— if anything, he would be surprised if they haven’t.

Tasuku barely gives him the time of the day to actually talk, because he’s barely in their room in the first place, and even when he does come in, the three things he does come for are:

  1. Clothes to take to the shower
  2. To charge his phone
  3. Sleep



And quite obviously— none of those give him the time to talk. So obviously, Tasuku doesn’t want to see him. And that’s fine. He hopes it is. 

But when Tsumugi learns they’ll have dinner together, he’s convinced he’s cursed. He did something in a past life that did not go well with whoever is controlling his life.

Tsumugi gets up out of his bed, taking light steps to walk outside. It’s quiet of course, even for a 6 pm afternoon day. When he reaches the living room, he turns around to see Omi cooking in the kitchen, who doesn’t notice him until he walks into the kitchen. Tsumugi’s first reflex is to take in a deep breath, and he smells the scent of food wafting through the air.    
  
“Ah, Tsumugi-san? I’m almost done with dinner, just help me set the table.”

Tsumugi doesn’t feel the need to confirm that he will. Omi is too focused on the stovetop to actually need him to confirm. Even though it’s been just a week, they’ve gotten more comfortable. It’s different from before, somehow less and more intimate than what Miya was with him. Maybe it’s the platonic sense of cooking for six, almost familial. Tsumugi missed that, especially when Tsumugi and Tasuku an—. He stops that thought before he can even complete it. “I’m finished, Omi.” Tsumugi walks over to the couch to sit on it.

“Ah, thanks.” He puts the food onto a serving plate and brings it to the table.

“Thanks for cooking, Omi. Your food is always a treat.”   
  
“It’s not a problem, haha. Just enjoy it, okay? I’ll call in Misumi, and I’m sure Tasuku is carrying Hisoka back home.” Omi takes off his apron, hanging it on the bar lazily before walking into the hallway to get Misumi.

His thoughts have been about Tasuku lately. He isn’t surprised— meeting the friend you don’t talk to for years would obviously bring up some memories, but forcing him out isn’t helping. Nothing is really helping with his thoughts. Especially when Tasuku and Azuma walk in to see him lying on the couch with his hands crossed over his chest like a live casket viewing.

“Ah, Tsumugi!” Azuma sets down his bags before entering the living room. Tasuku has Hisoka slung over his back, setting him next to Tsumugi on the couch before taking out a bag of marshmallows for him. “Omi said that we were running out of a couple things, so we went to the convenience store to go and get it. You can see we got Hisoka.” Tasuku doesn’t even look at Tsumugi, heading straight to the counter with the bags.

“Yeah, I see that.” Tsumugi sits up to look at Hisoka, again, lying passed out on the floor.

Omi comes into the living room with Misumi.

“Tsumugi-san!” Misumi shoots his hand up to wave at him before sitting at the table. “Hey, guys!”

“Dinner looks good, Omi! You do so much for us, I can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s not a problem, Azuma. We should get closer now anyways. Let’s all sit?”

“Leave Hisoka. He’s gonna be knocked out for a while. Plus, he wouldn’t want to eat this anyways— only sweets.”

Omi and Tsumugi go to the same side of the table, and Misumi is on the end of the table, and Azuma and Tasuku are on the other side. Azuma looks at Omi, looking at the food on the table. “What’d you make?”

“Nothing big, of course. That’s for when we debut. Today it’s just curry.” Omi picks up his fork and spoon and begins to eat. 

It’s quiet, and the silence is stifling and awkward and makes everything stuffy, even Misumi seems uncomfortable. Even if he is eating his triangle shaped carrots and potatoes.

“The food is really good, Omi-san!” Misumi tries to break the ice to no avail, till Omi talks.

“Thank you, Misumi.” The room is silent for a bit till Omi starts talking. “So… Let’s talk. What made you guys want to become idols? Tsumugi, as a  _ fan,  _ I’ve always wanted to know what made you become an idol.”

Tsumugi stops for a bit to process the question, and then delves into the crevices of his mind to pull something out. “Well… umm…”

“You don’t have to answer though!” Azuma interjects as soon as he sees Tsumugi is conflicted.

“Oh, I would love to hear what he has to say. I would  _ love  _ to hear what his motivations are.” Tasuku starts talking for the first time this dinner, picking up his fork and stabbing a piece of potato before almost shoving it in his mouth.

Tsumugi hesitates for a bit, looking for the words to say before he dies to Tasuku’s hands. “Well… I actually joined my first company with Tasuku.” Tasuku looks at him, his eyes boring a hole through his skull. “We wanted to… perform together. Yeah.” Tsumugi is feeling guilty talking about it. “We wanted to debut in the same group and then,” Tsumugi chokes up a bit. “ _ Road to Godhood  _ happened and that dream was kind of shattered when that was finished, haha…” 

“Well, not really. I’m here now.” Everyone stares at him, excluding Misumi because he is focused on his food as if that helped. “I mean, I didn’t really think I would get into the final group… haha. I’m not nearly as talented as some of the people there.” 

“And that’s where I have to stop you, Tsu- Tsumugi-san. Who the  _ hell  _ says that? I get it, you want to wallow in your damn pity, but it takes you two years? Two? What happened to us? What about debuting together?”

“Tasuku, cal—“

“I’m not finished, Tsumugi. Let me fucking talk. I spent time, Tsumugi. I spent time trying to reach you! You quit without a fucking word, and that hurt. You, of all people, should know you were enough, and that show had to be rigged. You could’ve at least talked to me? Told me how you were doing?”

Tsumugi just sits there, taken aback a bit before accepting what he’s hearing.

“Constantly berating yourself— and for what? Just to come back like nothing happened? Like you didn’t quit because of that show? You were, and still are amazing at what you do. You’re so good at what you do, so that’s why I just can’t fucking wrap my head around you quitting.”

“Tasuku, I… I needed time. I’ve never felt good enough, and I’m sorry, and I could never be more sorry for what I did, and I know it was a mistake. I should’ve talked to you, and I’m not deserving of your forgiveness or anything, just… I understand if you hate me, or if you’re disappointed in me. I’m... fine with that.”

“Y’know what, I’ll just go. Clearly you weren’t just listening to what I said. I’m going on a run. Omi, thank you for the food.”

He walks to the door and puts on his shoes and walks out angrily, almost stomping, but not nearly loud enough for anyone to hear.

“Tsumugi, are you oka-“

“Yes. I’m fine, Azuma. Thank you.”

Tasuku gets up and pushes his chair in, leaving the barely touched curry on the table, while Tsumugi is just sitting there, and getting up. “Thank you for the food, Omi. I’m not hungry anymore.”

—

Tsumugi waits for Tasuku in their room, checking his phone constantly, promising himself that he’ll sleep at midnight, a promise he does not keep when he keeps tossing and turning in his bed before finally deciding to get up and make tea.

It’s 1 am, and only the faint white glow of streetlights comes through the window to hit Tsumugi’s feet. The kitchen is dark, so he slides the warm lighting of the light fixture on the ceiling slightly up before stepping into the kitchen. He can barely see in the dim lighting and grabs a random white mug from the cabinet, filling it with water before shoving it into a microwave and sitting down at the dining table, where he sat earlier yesterday? Today? Not like it mattered to him.

He feels bad. Not just the standard, “oh I hurt someone’s feelings bad,” but the guilty bad. Tsumugi gets up when he hears the microwave beep and shoves a chamomile tea bag grabbed from the rack in the corner into the mug, and begins fiddling with his phone.

Tsumugi opens up a puzzle game on his phone, only for his thoughts to drift back to Tasuku every time. He obviously said the wrong thing— not even looking for an apology, then what? He puts his head into his arms laying on the table before jolting up when he hears his name.

“Tsumugi?” Azuma comes through the hallway before stepping into the kitchen. “Can’t sleep either?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you making?”

“Tea. I’m trying to go to sleep.”

“I see… About yesterday.”

“Yeah, yesterday.”

“Remember what I said when we first met? You can always talk to me. Can you talk to me about this?”

Tsumugi sits up a bit before speaking. “...Sure.” He swallows the nonexistent thing in his mouth and starts.

“Me and Tasuku have been training together for years, and we wanted to debut together. But you already know that. It’s just… after the show, it messed with my self esteem. I just lost motivation— it was hard to feel like how I had. Tasuku already debuted, where was I? Stuck in the practice room, doing things I just didn’t enjoy anymore. So I quit.”

“What about Tasuku?”

“Tasuku called me. He called me and asked me why I quit and I couldn’t say anything. He was busy. I still cared for him, I missed him even, but I couldn’t shake that feeling of disappointment. Tasuku kept texting me after that call, just trying to reach out to me, but I just couldn’t respond. I couldn’t bring myself to. I found things to do, got into a relationship and out, and I guess… I’m ready now. I wasn’t ready for this. But I’ll wait for him to come around.”

“I see… I don’t think he’s coming back tonight.” Azuma picks up his phone from his pocket and shows it to Tasuku. “He’s staying over at someone’s place.”

“I’ll just… finish this tea.”

“I’m glad you talked to me about this. If we’re gonna be together for 7 years, we at least have to have chemistry and none of that tension. Do you want any advice?”

“...Sure.”

“Talk to him. No beating around the bush. Anyways, head to sleep soon. You want your sleep while you can still get it. We’re recording the song and filming the music video next week.”

“I appreciate it, Azuma.”

Azuma walks out of the kitchen while Tsumugi stares into his tea, taking a big swig of it before it, savoring the taste of it— the chamomile wrapping around his mouth as he contemplates. The anxiety in his gut begins to settle, which he didn’t even know was there. It’s not that he’s worried about what he’s gonna say— he knows Tasuku would listen— it’s that he’s afraid of what he might say. 

He looks at Tasuku’s name on his phone, tapping on it, and typing something up before shaking his head, deliberating whether or not he should call him.

He decides against it before walking back to his room, putting the cup into the sink, waiting until the actual morning to wash it, and slumps into bed, finally falling asleep.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. i wanted to publish last week but i couldnt because i encountered Problems...
> 
> problem 1: i got surgery and was on medication for a good 3 days so i couldnt process words  
> problem 2: lack of motivation  
> problem 3: i rewrite things a lot
> 
> anyways this chapter is ~4k words so im proud of it and it should be content


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm fr on a roll i'm telling u... like i finished this chapter so fast its crazy  
> anyways have fun

If there was a word for regret but to the tenth power, that’s how you could describe Tasuku’s feelings right now. It’s almost rampant, like his mind won’t shut up, a cacophony of “now what the hell have you done now” and maybe just the occasional, “god, you’re stupid.” but he keeps quiet and stoic. 

The street is still slightly busy with the sounds of people bustling back home, and the streetlights aren’t on yet, yet the sun is practically down, where the light of sunset is purple, and he can see the night slowly creeping into the almost over day.

The thing he likes about the late dusk is the way the stars begin to come in— like he can see the stars speckle the sky in the light polluted area that is the city.

He walks to a bench and sits down hastily on it, the wood making him slightly uncomfortable— as all benches do, and takes out his phone, fiddling around with the buttons on it before looking through his contacts. 

Tasuku’s problems are exponentially increasing. Not really exponentially, but they are getting bigger. He probably pissed everyone off, excluding Hisoka, who’s asleep anyways, but for some reason he can’t stop thinking about how Tsumugi was. Why didn’t he yell back? How the hell was he so calm? He stops and gets back on task, looking for someone to call.

Haruto.

As much as he hates relying on his old group mates, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

He calls Haruto, letting it ring for a bit, until he surprisingly gets an answer.

“Tasuku? Why’d you even call?”

“Haruto.”

“What do you need?” Tasuku can practically hear him putting his fingers on the bridge of his nose in stress.

“I need… somewhere to stay tonight. Can I come over?”

“...Tasuku?”

“...Yes?”

“Do you have anything to give me? Why do you need somewhere to stay?”

“...Do I need to give you something?”

“Yeah, you fuckin’ do.”

Tasuku sighs loudly, almost overpowering the consistent bustle of the street. “I’ll get you deep fried skewers. Or maybe I’ll get you the money for them, I don’t know how busy I’ll be in the next few weeks.”

He sighs. “Come over.”

—

When Tasuku gets there, he’s surprised to see food on the counter already. 

“Come in already.”

He silently takes off his shoes and comes inside, noticing how his apartment has changed.

There are more pictures of Godza than he expected from him— even if he did act like an asshole to all of them, he guesses he misses when they were a fixed group. Other than that, the place is decluttered, and warm with the occasional picture dotting the wall, the food on the counter filling the room with the scent of delivery pizza. Not as good as Omi’s cooking, but he’ll take it.

“Why’s it have pineapple on it?”

“...You’re gonna come to my apartment and insult my diet choices?”

“...Yes.” Tasuku looks at Haruto fully serious, heading to the couch.

“God, just suck it up and sit down. Pineapple on pizza is good, you just don’t have the refined taste buds you need to fully appreciate the deliciousness.” He storms off to get a couple paper plates from his cupboards, also turning on the radio and subsequently turning it down so they can hear each other. “Why are you even here? Don’t you have like… other things? Like, don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Well… Sorta?”

“...Are you gonna tell me or what?” Haruto walks back to the couch with slices of pizza on the coffee table in the living room. 

“I shouldn’t be eating this.” Tasuku picks up the slice of pizza and tilts his head a bit, trying to divert the topic to something other than the Dorm Incident, the last thing he needs his brain to fixate on.

“Take it or leave it, man.” He kicks up his feet onto the now reclined chair. “Anyways, why are ya here? You don’t really call too often. Which you should. Call more often, I mean.”

“...I ran away.” Tasuku says it in the most deadpan voice, making Haruto laugh a bit before starting again.

Haruto looks at him in disbelief, almost disappointed that Tasuku would play some lame excuse of a joke on him. “Seriously, tell me what happened.” The look on Tasuku’s face is all he needs to register if he’s serious. “What the hell?” Tasuku nods. “ So you just… ran away, like a damn child? From where?”

“I was in a dorm and things happened.” Tasuku takes a nibble of the pizza, before setting it down and getting up to look in the kitchen. “Any beer?”

“Back of the fridge.” Haruto shouts as if the apartment is big. “Get me one. Also, define what ‘things’ are.”

Tasuku brings back two cold beers. “Do you remember two years ago, when we debuted?”

“Yeah, of course. Winning was great. It’s always great.” Haruto smiles a bit thinking about it.

“Remember who was 12th?” He opens the beers for both of them, handing one to Haruto before taking a big swig.

“Hmm… Wasn’t it  _ him _ ?” 

“Yeah.” Tasuku looks down at his hands that are clasped together.

“What about him?” 

“He’s in the dorms with me. And we’re roommates now.”

“Well, shit!” Haruto chuckles a bit, rocking back and forth. “And you argued with him?”

“Yeah.”

“Now  _ that  _ must’ve been awkward.” He laughs a bit. “Where’d you guys fight?”

“...The dinner table. We were having dinner tonight.”

“Wow, okay. Romantic? Dunno if it was just you and him.”

“My new group members were there.”

“...Man, what were you thinking?”

“I… don’t know. It wasn’t an argument, if I have to be honest. I just shouted at him.”

“What an asshole thing to do. I’m joking. Why run?” He takes a sip of his beer.

“Something about him just made me mad.”

“Yeah, you said that when you saw that MC talk and you just acted real mean to her. You can’t just get pissed off by how someone talks, y’know!”

“I mean…”

“Anyways, that’s not the point, Taa-chan.” He takes a bite of his pizza, chasing it down with the cheap taste of the canned beer, shaking his head in delight or maybe disgust. Probably disgust. “The point  _ is _ that you ran away because something about him made you mad. Which is pretty stupid on your part. What are you even gonna say to him?”

“I don’t know? He just sat there! And took it? In front of everyone, Haruto! God, that’s so embarrassing.”

“You did it to yourself, idiot.”

“He let me yell at him, and even after, he still was berating himself. I feel like a real ass about it, Haruto.”

Haruto gets up to throw his pizza oil soaked plate into the trash can in the kitchen while mumbling. “You jock types can just be so dumb sometimes.” His voice begins to raise as he goes into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, are you gonna be mad at yourself or him? Choose now before I give my professional advice.”

“I’m mad at him. Me?" Tasuku stops in confusion. "Why can’t it be both?”

“It can be both. So let’s get this straight. You, one, yelled at him, not even having an argument, when he didn’t do anything. You, two, ran away, and came here. Why?” 

“...Well… Um…”

“You literally tried to talk to him so much and now you’re the one running? Why are you running away?”

“No, I’m—“ Tasuku can barely get a word out before Haruto interjects.

“Don’t even deny it. We literally roomed together and you kept me up with the ringing of your damn phone. Well? Why are you running away?”

Tasuku is silent. “I… don’t know.” Tasuku is lost in thought for a little bit.

“Nothing was stopping you from talking it out. Whatever— it’s not like he’ll be mad at you for it. He’s probably beating himself up over it— it wouldn’t be surprising.”

“...Right.”

“Hey, I know that tone. If you’re gonna have your pity party, don’t do it here. This is a strictly

no lame sad people zone.”

“Are you sure I’m okay to be staying here?”’

Haruto looks to the side. “Y-yeah! We’re still friends, right.” He’s obviously blushing, almost a little cute.

Tasuku stands up and puts his hand on Haruto’s head, patting him. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Course we are.”

—

Tasuku would not be able to tell you why he was up at 3 am, but his eyes were wide open, as he looked to the side of him, seeing the bed of Haruto as he slept. He gets up slowly, still in the clothes he wore to last night’s disaster dinner, and puts on his shoes to take a walk. 

The door is quiet, which is surprising, the floorboards too, but when he opens the door to the street, it’s completely quiet, like the world stopped for a bit. The lights here are less of an amber color but more of a fluorescent white that makes everything seem robotic with the slight flickering it produces.

Something about the street is somber, almost dreamlike, but it’s always broken by the occasional late night worker driving home quickly, mussing up his already sticking out hair with the air that it brings with the speed of the car. 

He shoves his hands in his black sweatpants pockets, fiddling around with his phone, turning it over and feeling each side of it before taking it out and checking it as he pulls his body over to a bench that’s slightly dim.

Tasuku doesn’t know a lot of things.

Tasuku doesn’t know why he took out his phone, but he’s already sitting down, he might as well contemplate tonight.

Tasuku also doesn’t know why he was mad— still. Even after talking to Haruto, which he doesn’t know what he was expecting from him— actual heartfelt advice or just a night filled with laughing at him, but definitely not a mixture. 

Tasuku still also doesn’t know what happened to Haruto. Godza changes people. A generational group can do things to people, right? People come and go anyways. But it’s not like his change was a bad one. His change was good, clearly to him.

But the thing that keeps evading him is the _Tsumugi Issue_ (trademarked). Something about him made him mad, and he didn’t know what. But the more he thought about it the more he felt himself squeezing on his already asleep phone so he decides to stop, and jolts up before seeing a familiar face. 

“Tasuku?” Azuma tries to get a closer look at him, before confirming. “Tasuku!”

“Hm? Azuma?”

“Odd time to be out, isn’t it.” Azuma stands a couple feet away before coming closer. “3:30 am already.”

“...Yeah.”

“Do you feel like entertaining me for a bit? It’ll be a good time, I swear.” 

“Sure.”

“Let’s sit down.” Azuma drags Tasuku’s body back down again into the bench before slightly tilting his body towards Tasuku. “So… what was up with tonight?”

“I got mad. Sorry about that.”

“Tell me about it. But I can tell you have good intentions behind it, no?” Azuma leans back onto the bench. “I feel like he knows that too.”

“Hm. Really?”

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you, Tasuku. Tsumugi can be a little hard to read, but I just get a good feeling. When are you coming back?”

“Tomorrow, I guess.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Azuma gets up and turns to Tasuku, smirking a bit. “Apologize tomorrow, okay? Tsumugi isn’t getting any sleep at all. And it’s not good for the skin, sleep is important! And you wouldn’t want to ruin those cute faces of yours, hm?”

“Cute?” Tasuku looks at him, tilting his head a bit like a dog. “You’re right. I’ll apologize to him. I mean, I was planning to. But don’t expect me to be nice to him.”

“I don’t expect you to be nice to him right away. I can tell you miss him though.”

Tasuku is silent for a bit.

“It’s okay to feel like this. Everyone makes their mistakes, right?”

“Right.”

“He misses you too, you know.” Azuma has a lulling tone, seeming to calm Tasuku down. “He’s just waiting for you to be ready.”

“I see.” 

“Okay, that’s good. Are you planning to go anywhere?”

“No, not really. I was going for a run around the place where I’m staying.”

Azuma gets up, stretching a bit. “Well, I’m going back to the dorms. Do you want anything for breakfast?”

“...Fried egg. Some fried rice too. Thanks, Azuma. I’ll see you later.”

“Good night, Tasuku.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my twitter thank u :3   
> @knight_itaru


	4. Chapter 4

There is no reason for Tsumugi to be up this early, but the light shining into Tsumugi’s eyes says otherwise. 

Tsumugi grabs his phone to check the time, propping himself up to sit in his bed and stretch his arms out to wake himself up. There’s a light breeze outside today, rustling the leaves slightly. He gets out of bed, climbing down the ladder to the floor, putting on a thin jacket because of the biting cold of the morning.

It’s quiet when he walks into the hallway, excluding the clattering of a couple dishes from the kitchen, as he walks slowly to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Tsumugi!” Omi greets him from the kitchen with a smile. “I’m making eggs. Don’t really want to eat too much before debut, right?”

“Yeah, I see.” Tsumugi looks around into the kitchen to see Tasuku preparing a cup of coffee.

“...Good morning.” Tasuku’s voice is low and hoarse from just waking up, and he’s still in his athletic wear. He’s a bit moist from running, but he seems to not be too worn out, even from last night.

“Good morning, Tasuku-san.” His voice comes out stiff, almost monotone. Omi nudges Tasuku a bit, surprising him, making a bit of coffee spill out of his mug. Tasuku turns around, furrowing his brows, before Omi starts whispering a bit. “Say it.”

Tasuku pivots to look Tsumugi in the eyes, almost robotic. “Sorry.” It comes out even more stiff, like his throat is in a corset.

Tsumugi is fish eyed, not processing it, until he jumps back a bit. “Sorry for what?” 

“...What?” Tasuku starts to furrow his eyebrows, balling his hands into fists, getting angrier by the second. “What do you  _ mean  _ sorry for what? Jesus, Tsumugi, what the he-“

“Tasuku. Stop. Listen, Tsumugi, you get the message. He’s sorry for last n—“

“You don’t have to explain for me. I’m perfectly capable of speaking for myself.” He picks up his mug of coffee, storming off into the hallway; getting stopped by Misumi in the hallway entrance.

“Tasuku~ good morning!” Misumi is as bubbly as ever, even after just waking up. “Good morning, Tsumugi and Omi!”

“Good morning, Misumi. Just in time too.”

Tasuku takes a breath before turning around. “Sorry. Good morning, Misumi.”

He sits back down at the table before taking a long sip of his coffee, putting the mug down and starting to fidget with his fingers. Everything is silent except for the clatter of the pan and spatula caused by Omi, till Misumi rushes over to see what Omi is doing, only to sit back down in disappointment when he realizes the fried eggs are circular. Omi puts a triangle cookie cutter in the pan, cracking an egg inside, making Misumi smile, skipping happily to a seat at the table.

When Azuma walks in, the room gets a little brighter before he sits down. “Good morning, everyone. I see you all are up early. Welcome back, Tasuku.” He winks at Tasuku, and almost mutual understanding of each other before looking at his phone.

A chorus of ”good morning” erupts until Azuma hears his phone ring. “Ah, sorry. I’ll be back.” He exits the room to go outside to take the call, leaving everyone to their own devices until Omi puts the food on the table. 

“Today, nothing special. Just standard fried eggs with rice. Per Tasuku’s request, of course.” 

Tsumugi stops, and looks at Tasuku, who’s looking away from the table, with a bit of pink on his face. “Thank you, Tasuku-san.”

“...It’s nothing.”

Tsumugi thinks to himself for a bit.  _ This is his way of forgiving me, or showing he wants to make amends… I’m glad. _

The room is silent for a bit, now the rustling of utensils filling the room before Azuma walks back in.

He sits back down, beginning to eat. “So, our manager sent us a couple things. Our manager is Furuichi-san, the guy sitting next to the CEO.”

Tsumugi leans back in his chair, stopping himself from eating the egg and rice in his plate.“Ha… really? He’s very scary.”

“He’s actually a very nice guy. He’s gonna give us some things to memorize and such. Lyrics, because we’ll be recording soon.” Azuma puts his phone down on the table, and begins to eat.

“How exciting! I’m glad we’ll be debuting soon. I’ve been waiting for a while.” Omi smiles. “Tasuku, as someone who has already debuted, any tips?”

Tasuku is surprised, and immediately starts talking, even before he finishes the word tips. “I have a lot, actually. But my main one would be not to get nervous because if you have confidence, you probably won’t mess up.” He side eyes Tsumugi a bit, which Tsumugi doesn’t see, his attention fully on Azuma.

“Anyways, as the ‘unofficial leader’, Furuichi-san’s words, not mine, I declare our first group activity to be going out drinking!”

Omi swallows his bite. “Sounds great! Who’s in?”

Tsumugi sighs. “Ah, I can’t go. I still have a couple things to move in.” 

“What a shame… I already know Hisoka wants to go. Well, not much a  _ want _ , but more of a I’m forcing him to go because I know he has nothing better to do.” Azuma begins looking on his phone for nearby bars to drink at.

“I’ll go.” Tasuku presses the bridge of his nose in almost-stress, taking another bite of his food.

“Misumi?”

“ Of course, Azuma-san!”

“Well, it’s been decided. I’ll pay, of course.” Azuma smiles while Omi picks his plate up and places it in the sink for later washing. 

“Well, we’ll all meet up back here at 8, okay?”

“Sure.”

Tsumugi gets up after finishing his food, putting the dirty plate into the sink. “Thank you, Omi.” He retreats back into his room.

—

Tasuku has made many mistakes before, but this one has to be one of his worst ones. It’s like a spectrum. Azuma is perfectly fine, Misumi is just sitting there with the biggest pokerface, and Hisoka is chilling with his shot glass, already starting to fill it up again, and Omi is drinking casually, as their designated “caretaker”. But Tasuku? Tasuku is definitely not okay. He looks at the table again, just to scope out how many drinks he’s had, and his brain is so fogged up, he can only see around 4 mugs, and maybe even more shots.

The bar isn’t very intense like a nightclub, but more of a salaryman’s haven after a long day of working. The lighting is warm and the busy clamor of the background noise and conversations drown out whatever they’re doing as they meld into the small yet slightly rowdy crowd of men, and the occasional woman.

“Tasuku? Are you okay?” Omi looks up from his glass of beer, taking another fry from the red mesh bowl in the center of the table that they’re all circled around in a booth. 

“Hm? Yeah, ‘course, why wouldn’t I be!” He laughs a bit before picking up his mug only to find nothing left, a look of disappointment taking over his face.

Omi looks over to the side where Azuma is sitting sipping on a glass of sake. “Should we stop him?” He mumbles a bit before going back into the tempura on the table.

“I think we can handle him for now, no? He seems pretty controlled now anyways.” Azuma looks up from his glass of sake, leaning in towards the table. “So, Tasuku? As an already debuted person, what was it like being in your last group?”

Tasuku contemplates the question for a bit, before starting to talk.

—

When Tasuku debuts, it’s the best feeling in the world. Like he’s on top of the world when he poses for that hot as hell ending shot that he goes viral for. But when he wins in the next two weeks, he goes crazy, like he needs to keep going, like he’ll never get tired.

But when he hears Tsumugi leaves, he stops. Something in him stops the gears from turning, and the first thing he does is call Tsumugi.

“Yes, Taa-chan?”

“Hey. Why did you leave?” Tasuku starts to get riled up.

“What?”

“You know what I mean, Tsumugi.” Tasuku is getting angry, and he’s pacing around the room while Haruto takes a shower. He’s silent. “Tsumugi. What the hell are you doing? You can’t stop now, why leave? What the fuck would you leave? We  _ promised  _ to debut together for a damn reason.”

“Liste—“

“I won’t fucking stop to listen, Tsumugi. What you need to do is get back here and renew that damn con—“

Tsumugi hangs up, cutting Tasuku off, and he almost screams in anger before he hears the shower stop.

Tasuku can’t stop thinking about him. 

When he goes up to the award show stage to take the rookie of the year award, he freezes up before Haruto yanks the microphone and trophy out of his hand, thinking about where Tsumugi is, and maybe wishing Tsumugi was standing up there in front of everyone. Tasuku can only think about Tsumugi, and if he’s still there, listening. He calls him again to no response. It’s fine. He’ll be fine without him.

...is what he says in his mind, a mantra he continually says. He can’t stop thinking about where he is and what he’s doing— even if he does feel almost abandoned, and just the slightest bit bitter about how he isn’t responding. He hopes he’s fine, in spite of all of these things.

Another thing he says in his mind is to stop hoping for him. He left him, and maybe it should stay like this. Maybe they should stay estranged. But it never actually convinces him, no matter how hard he wants it to.

The first time Tasuku thinks about leaving is when Haruto talks to him about Tsumugi for the first time in 1 year since he left the company.

“Tasuku?” He closes the manga he’s holding.

“Hm?”

“You’ve been out of it lately.” He looks down at Tasuku at his desk from the top bunk of the bunk bed.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want your terribleness to affect how the hell people perceive my basically impeccable performances.” Tasuku knows this tone. Caring but asshole.

“I’ll try harder.” He brushes it off like nothing, like normal, where he knows Haruto won’t pry further.

“Don’t think that’s the problem, Tasuku. Talk to me.”  _ Well, this is new,  _ he thinks to himself before speaking again.

“Why do you want to know? You don’t even know if I’m actually speaking the truth.”

“Years training and a year in a group and room with you can really let me recognize whatever goes on with you.”

Tasuku is almost surprised, but then again, it makes sense. He knows how to choose his battles so he spills. “...I can’t stop thinking about Tsumugi.”

“Why?” Haruto has a new tone now, like he probably already knows.

“I… miss him. You know our promise, Haruto.”

“Yeah. I see the problem. You want to perform with him again.” He says it almost like he’s teasing him, almost like a little kid. 

“...Yeah.” 

“Well… I think it’s too late for this group. But it’s generational now, hm? So just… wait out till graduation, and wait for him. I’m sure he’ll still be out there… somewhere, caring for you.”

“Yeah… yeah. Thanks, Haruto. Y’know you don’t have to have that asshole personality around me, right?”

“This is just who I am, fuckwad. I’m going to sleep. Close your laptop soon and go too.”

“Thanks.”

—

Tasuku stops talking finally and everyone stops staring at him for a moment, like time stopped while he talked about his feelings.

“I see. You don’t actually hate him, do you?” Azuma leans forward, the waiter coming forward, and giving back Omi’s card and a receipt, a hushed thank you from Omi.

“I guess?” Tasuku blurts out, as he starts to get choked up.

“Tasuku, are you okay?” Misumi starts to talk again. 

“Yeah, yeah… Just getting a lil’ choked up, no problem.”

“I mean… even if it  _ did  _ take you getting drunk to tell us all this, I’m glad you did. Now let’s go, okay?”

“Probably. We need to go, it’s almost 11.” Everyone gets up except for Tasuku, who’s starting to stumble till Omi throws Tasuku’s hand over his shoulder. “Wow, you are heavy. Makes sense.”

“Thanks, Omi. And guys, thanks for listening to whatever I just talked about.”

—

Tsumugi stands in front of the apartment door at 9 pm, texting Miya that he’s there, and is coming in, so he doesn’t have to sacrifice his eyesight for the sake of whatever Miya and Sayuri are starting to do now that he’s half moved out.

“Ah, Tsumu! You’re here.” Miya, of course, looks disheveled, Sayuri standing meekly behind her. 

“Hey. Came to pick up some stuff. I’m gonna be staying in the dorms for a while. I’m debuting soon, which is actually crazy.”

“Really?!” Sayuri suddenly starts jumping up to show more of herself. “That’s great! Here, the boxes are inside for a reason. I wanna talk about the  _ situation _ , if you know what I’m getting at.”

“Mm. Got it.”

Tsumugi walks inside to sit at the dinner table chair, as Sayuri pours them all a cup of lavender tea this time. “So… How’s rooming with  _ him _ ?”

“Well… yesterday he got really mad at me.” He takes a sip of his tea casually. “I kinda made him run out of the room during dinner. Didn’t I tell you?”

“No? Dude, what the hell did you even do?” She sits down on the chair across from him.

“Well… I think it was my silence. He was yelling at me and I just sat there.” Tsumugi starts to twiddle his thumbs in faux nervousness, an emotion he can’t seem to pinpoint.

“So? What’s wrong with that?” Sayuri looks at him, tilting his head.

Tsumugi goes deadpan. “I do that a lot.” 

“I mean… you do kinda just take the yelling. You barely fight back.” Miya leans back in his chair, tipping it a bit back.

“Yeah, I know how to compromise Miya, do you?”

“This ain’t about me, ugly. What’d he say?”

“The promises we made… you know. The sort.” Sayuri sits down in the chair next to Tsumugi, handing them both their tea. “He just burst, you know. I feel bad. I promise him all these things and then I just up and leave and stop talking for two whole years, come back all of a sudden and pretend everything is fine when I see him. I apologized of course.” Tsumugi takes a long sip of his lavender tea, almost finishing it in one long gulp.

  
  


Miya places her hand on the table in a half consolation touch. “Well, in all seriousness, you shouldn’t really feel bad. You needed time. I, of all people, know that. You were having problems coping and that’s fine and you shouldn’t really… feel  _ bad  _ about what you did. Just… I’m glad you’re confronting it.”

“Yeah. I’m glad too.”

“Now pick up your boxes and get out of here! It’s 9 pm, and you’re here. Trying to get ready for bed in more ways than on—“

“Miya, shut up.”

“Aww.”

Tsumugi gets up to take the boxes from the living room in his hands. Just a couple gardening things. He looks back at the dining table when he gets to the door.

“But thanks. Thanks for helping me out.”

—

When Tsumugi gets back to his dorm, he sets the boxes down on the living room to tend to them later, heading to his room before pulling out his phone to text Miya he’s at his dorm.

The dorms are quiet again, but this time it isn’t the amber light of the sunset, but the artificial white fluorescent light is casting into the living room. There’s noise coming from near the outside of the dorm, so he gets up to walk to the living room to look out, to see Tasuku stumbling while Omi carries him, and the rest walk.

He opens the door quickly, turning on the lights.

“What’s going on?”

“Tasuku had a little too much to drink, Tsumugi. Can you lead him to your guys’s room? Thanks.” Omi almost pushes him onto Tsumugi, getting to the kitchen counter to set his keys down, heading to the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower.” He disappears into the hallway.

“Thank you, Tsumugi. He’s really quite a handful when he’s like this.” Azuma puts his coat on a hanger before heading to the kitchen to get some water for tea.

“Tell me about it, haha.” Tsumugi starts to drag Tasuku into the room, slowly but surely. Tsumugi can feel that Tasuku has gotten more buff since the last time he’s touched him, which makes sense because two years ago was a long time ago. His muscles feel more defined, or maybe it’s just the excess amount of warmth exuding from Tasuku’s body.

“Can you stand?”

“Yup!”

He puts Tasuku against the wall, opening the door. He gets Tasuku and drags him to his bed, as he struggles to set him on the bed.

“Tasuku?” Tsumugi’s voice comes out meekly.

“Hm?” He crashes onto the bed, his whole body weight getting slammed down.

Tsumugi kneels down to the level of the bed, his eyes meeting Tasuku’s. “Do you… need anything?”

“Nah. Stay here with me, okay?” His voice is almost whiny.

Tsumugi is shocked for a bit, before he gets up. “Let me get you water. I’ll be back, okay?”

Once Tsumugi gets out, he covers his face with his hands in embarrassment, thinking about the way he said that.

“Tsumugi?” Azuma looks at him. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I am. He’s just heavy, haha.” 

Azuma looks at him skeptically. “Mm, I see. Doesn’t explain why you’re blushing.” Azuma laughs a bit at him, Tsumugi covering his face again. “Oh well. I’m going to my room. Ask me if you need help, okay?”

“T-thanks, Azuma. I appreciate it.”

He heads into the kitchen where Hisoka is starting to fall asleep on the couch and Misumi is starting to get ready for bed. 

“Tsumugi-san.”

“Yes, Misumi?”

“Take care of Tasuku, okay?”

“You’re oddly serious tonight, Misumi. What happened?”

“Hm? Doesn’t seem like it to me. Good night, Tsumugi. If you ever need anything, just ask me.”

“Good night. Did you all agree to say that to me or…”

“Nope. Good night.” He practically speedwalks out of the kitchen into the hallway, disappearing into his room with Omi.

He fills up a glass of water, slowly carrying it to his room, taking deep breaths to mentally prepare himself for whatever Tasuku is gonna be doing

“Here, Tasuku, drink this.”

He sits up in bed, taking large gulps at a time, taking breaths in between. “Tsumu… you don’t have to call me that anymore, okay?” He puts the glass down, starting to stare at Tasuku. “Just call me what you used to. Taa-chan.”

“W-what?”

“C’mon, Tsumu… don’t act like you didn’t hear me.”

“...Okay, Taa-chan… I’ll start calling you that again.”

There’s a long period of silence, where Tsumugi is just looking at Tasuku without it being awkward, Tasuku just staring at the ceiling before interrupting the silence. “Can we talk?”

“What?”

“Can we?”

“We were never not able to, Taa-chan.”

“Well, now I really want to.”

“You don’t have to wait or anything…”

Tasuku looks at him excitedly, sitting up. “Well, starting now. I really missed you.”

Tsumugi is startled, sputtering out barely words. “H-huh? What?”

“Sorry for uh… getting mad at you too. I missed you a lot, that’s all. I really missed you… I really did. Even when you left.” Tasuku lies back down. “Even when you left and I debuted, everytime I did something, everytime I made some kinda accomplishment… I could only think about you. I’ve been waiting for you…”

“...Taa-chan…” Tsumugi looks away, getting redder by the second. “You’re really gonna regret this when you wake up tomorrow, you know that? But I’m glad we’re fine. Talk to me in the morning when you sober up. A shower is out of the question at this point too… I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” He turns off the lights, starting to head to the bed.

“Thanks, Tsumu. Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk about an upload schedule... i don't have one.  
> anyways i had to force myself to write from 4 am - 7 am just so i could finish this chapter because i was just so unhappy with some of the scenes... but it's finally finished...
> 
> follow me on twitter if you wanna see what i do when i'm not writing:  
> @knight_itaru


	5. Chapter 5

Tsumugi wakes up on the side of Tasuku’s bed, Tasuku sleeping next to him. Usually he would be awake by this time to run, but he’s lying down, snoring softly from the alcohol.

He gets up, taking off the blanket that he didn’t know was placed on him. The room is quiet with the first beams of sunlight coming through the window,the soft snore of his friend giving the room a little life. He goes to grab his phone from the desk to check the time, pushing around a couple pencils and a book on flower language out the way, just to get his phone from the almost cluttered mess that is his desk. It’s 8 am. He puts them in his pajama pockets, and starts to walk to the bathroom, stretching as he goes.

The dorms are quiet again this morning, like always. so the bathroom is completely empty. Makes sense, when most of them are night owls, and Omi is basically a housewife, again, shopping for the freshest produce only for him and the others.

The bathroom is cluttered, shelves of skincare making it hard to find his toothbrush, each section belonging to a different person. Azuma’s, of course, is the largest one, as he sifts through the mountain of products. He brushes his teeth, eyeing himself in the mirror.

He doesn’t understand what happened last night. Tasuku apologized. Which is weird. Not because he’s not the most… emotional person, but just unexpected from him, the hot stoic man. Hot? He shakes the thought out of his head literally, before moving on.

He blushes when he remembers Tasuku said he missed him, almost jumping and spinning around before almost banging his head into the wall on impulse, regaining his composure.

Tsumugi gargles and washes his face before wiping it down with a towel, taking a deep breath before exiting and trying to face Tasuku. Who’s still asleep.

This time, not even the birds are chirping, or the wind blowing the tree branches to create the slight rustling he always hears because of that tree sitting outside his window. But it is cold, definitely, as he gets back to his room, grabbing his ear buds before looking back to Tasuku, who’s still asleep. His eyes linger over him for a bit before he turns around to walk out towards the kitchen, a couple of things already prepared— eggs, of course.

He peels off the plastic wrap over the plate and takes a plate from the cupboard and puts the egg on it, putting it into the microwave with rice that had been sitting in the rice cooker for a bit.

While waiting, Tsumugi sees a text from Azuma.

— from: Azuma

> tsumugi!

> furuichi-san sent us the instrumental for the song!!!

> i’m very excited to be recording this week

> also if you’re going to fall asleep next to tasuku’s bed maybe bring a blanket.

> image_0.png 

— an image of tsumugi sleeping on the side of tasuku’s bed

> or get in bed with him („ಡωಡ„)

> just kidding!!

> but that’s not the point

> angel_tsuguide.mp3

> anyways here’s the file for you

> me omi and misumi are out doing pantry stuff… misumi saw these triangle shaped chips and now he’s screaming over them

> we’ll be back around 2 pm

< Thank you, Azuma. 

He starts to listen to the song while taking out his food from the microwave and sits down at the table to eat, eating while humming along.

—

Frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe Tsumugi’s feelings.

Unsatisfied might be a better word, as he leans back in the dining room chair, taking a sip of his water before getting up, deciding to take a walk.

Unsatisfied because he can’t seem to sing a lyric right.

Unsatisfied because he keeps confusing words.

He gets up and snatches his phone up from the table, just to check the time. It’s only 10:11 am and he’s already in a bad mood— which doesn’t bode well for the rest of the day, if he’s being completely honest, and the fact that it’s still quiet doesn’t feel too good. 

Tsumugi fills a glass with water, walking to his room to set it down on Tasuku’s desk gently, on the off chance he wakes up while he’s gone, as well as a couple painkillers for the probable headache he’ll have when he wakes up. 

He gets a change of clothes, and walks out, earbuds in, still listening.

The song is slow but still hard hitting and not only that— undeniably sexy. Like Eros himself came down and produced the song himself.

A smooth, oscillating synth chord hit jumps in, setting the tone for the rest of the song, with slight plucks of a gottan keeping the melody, distorted vocals popping in and out. It starts out slow, but slowly picks up with the percussion, as he listens to the guide vocals. He’s going high. _ High  _ high. 

Even he’s not sure if he’s going to be able to hit it.

The percussion leads to the drop that hits hard for the chorus, the guide keeping that same energy. 

Tsumugi is listening hard, almost in a trance, barely paying attention until— he trips, looking back and down, at Hisoka, who’s staring back up at him from the farthest side of the road’s sidewalk.

“I— Hisoka? Oh my god, I’m so sorry… I didn’t see you there. Do you uh… need anything I can apologize with?”

“Sit down.”

“Hm?”

“Just… sit down.”

Tsumugi complies, taking out his earbuds that were surprisingly still in his ears, looking at Hisoka.

“What are we waiting for?”

Hisoka points towards the bush, where multiple cats come out, which first stare at Tsumugi, then Hisoka, who nods towards them, and they come closer, as if there’s been a mutual trust that's been instituted in them. 

“Help me play with them, Tsumugi.” He squats down, starting to pet the cats and give each attention.

Tsumugi is skeptical at first, but ends up giving into the cats. “...Sure.”

Tsumugi sees the cats in a row, one black, almost shy, one white, seemingly proud, two brown, and two more brown and white ones. He extends his hand, which they willingly gravitate to, trusted by association.

They quietly pet the cats, playing around with them a bit before Hisoka opens his mouth. 

“You seemed pretty deep in thought, Tsumugi, when you tripped over me.”

“...I guess I was. Explains why I tripped over you.”

He laughs again and it goes quiet, the dead air filled with the sound of quiet meows. The wind finally starts to pick up a little, blowing the leaves on the bushes side to side, adding a little more white noise to the environment.

Not many people are out and about here— which is understandable, because in half suburban, half city Tokyo, there wouldn’t be very many people here, except for the few people rushing to work— who are obviously having a bad day, and moms with their children that are not yet of school age. Yet, no one has passed them, or asked them to move. Tsumugi starts speaking to break the ice.

“Hisoka.”

“Yes?”

“...Why did you become an idol? I mean… I’m not doubting your passion, you seem obviously passionate if you’ve worked this hard to get here. You sleep a lot and being an idol is like… A lot of lost sleep.”

“Hm? Good… question.” It almost sounds like he’s doubting himself— or maybe searching for the answer. Like he would know. Hisoka is hard to read sometimes, with the same sleepy, stone faced expression that almost brute forces emotion when it genuinely needs to be expressed.

Hisoka looks down at his hand that’s petting the white cat, who’s snuggling up to him.

“Do you know Chikage-san?”

“Hm? Green haired guy? He was on the panel, right?”

“Him. At first, I was trying to chase after him. We have… a certain past, if you know what I mean.”

Tsumugi gets it immediately, trying not to pry any further.

“I see. Go on.”

“Well… In order for me to stay with him, I had to become an idol— and so I did. But really, I wasn’t really expecting to debut until I watched you. I watched  _ Road to Godhood  _ when it finished, and when I saw you? Filled with passion? I was inspired. So now I’m here. Debuting with the person who inspired me to.”

Tsumugi doesn’t know what to say— struck speechless— because this is probably the first time that Tsumugi has heard him speak a lot. Hisoka seems unfazed by the emotional dump that he just put on Tsumugi.

“...Uh… wow. Thanks. For uh… being my fan. And telling me that.”

“No problem. It seemed like you needed a pick-me-up.” Hisoka gets up. “You should be heading back now, no? Tasuku is still asleep right? And practice is still a thing. I heard your part. Difficult.”

“Right, haha.” Tsumugi gets up, scratching his back in faux embarrassment. “I’ll head back now. I’ll see you back at the dorms.”

Hisoka squats back down, attending to the cats again, not even looking at Tsumugi, practically whispering, “Goodbye.”

—

Thinking is the worst thing ever, Tasuku thinks as he gets out of bed, almost struggling. 

The breeze coming through the open window in the middle of their beds is nice, Tsumugi already deciding to adorn his side of the room in shelves of flowers Tsumugi has especially chosen for inside growth.  _ It’s cute how he likes flowers…  _ Tasuku thinks to himself before sitting up in bed. 

He looks around, the headache still pounding as he starts to gain more information on where the hell he is. His side is almost bare, just a small desk next to the closet, a bookshelf that has barely anything on it and his coat from last night strewn across the desk, which was probably Tsumu’s doing. 

Tsumugi sits up in bed before turning to him. “Good morning, Taa— I mean Tasuku-san.” Tsumugi looks back down at the book in his lap in embarrassment, his face already turning red. “How are you feeling?” His voice is almost shaky, like he’s suddenly smaller.

Tasuku puts his legs over the bed, sitting up and grabbing his phone from the nightstand to check it. “I’m fine, Tsumu.” He looks at the time first. 12:32 pm. “Where are the others?”

“W-what?” Tsumugi trips over his words so hard he can hear the fall. He clears his throat before starting. “Um… Omi asked me to give you something when you get up, and Azuma wanted me to stay with you until you woke up. They’re out with the manager, talking about recording. I got a text a while back about when we’re doing it, which is Wednesday.

He gives Tasuku the painkillers on the desk, who drinks them right away.”

“Thanks for telling me.” The room is silent while Tasuku scrolls through his phone, and Tsumugi reads his book in bed. Tasuku stares away from his phone towards Tsumugi, who seems oddly focused on whatever the book is, the title he can barely make out from a little too far away. He checks his text messages, a couple from

Hisoka.

— from: Hisoka

> tasuku

> ask him what you said last night ok

< Why?

> just do it 

> its very important

< Hisoka. What?

> literally stop being such a coward and talk to him

  
  


Tasuku turns to Tsumugi quickly, Tsumugi noticing, while Tasuku works up the courage and resilience to deal with the wave of regret he’s going to get when he’s told about whatever embarrassing thing he did last night.

“Yes, Taa-ch— I mean, yes, Tasuku-san?”

“You can call me that now. It’s fine.” He pauses. “Could you… tell me what I said last night? I remember some of it… like the names…” His voice is the embodiment of someone pointing their fingers together with that dumb pleading face emoji, rare for Tasuku, who usually keeps the same stoic character.

“...Okay, Taa-chan.” Tsumugi gets up and goes over his bed to sit down next to him. “You told me about your time in Godza.” This time, Tsumugi barely stutters when he says Godza, like it doesn’t hold any weight over him. “You told me you missed me… and you couldn’t stop thinking about me. That’s basically it, haha… We don’t have to.. Ummm… Talk about it. It’s fine, we can just go b—“

“You really don’t know when to shut up, do you?” Tasuku chuckles a bit. “I… We shouldn’t forget about this. I mean, we had to do it right? I don’t know what I was thinking when I was gonna debut with you with the tension we had before.”

“Haha, yeah…” 

“I mean, since you said something, it must make sense to talk about whatever I did, right? Only fair.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything, really, it’s fine.”

“I want to though. I feel like I need to.” Tsumugi takes a deep breath with the tacit agreement they just made. “I missed you too. A lot. And I got your messages, but every time I looked at them, they messed me up, Tasuku. You’re just so… wonderful. And it made me feel worthless. Don’t blame yourself for it. It’s just how my brain works. Every time I got your messages, I told myself that I wasn’t good enough— which I’m getting better at not doing. And I know— it’s not an excuse to not message y-“

“It’s fine. I understand that. You not messaging me wasn't an excuse to act all pissy with you, so we’re even, okay?” Tasuku goes in for a hug, Tsumugi complying. 

“I’m glad we’re back, Tsumugi. I’m… really glad.” 

He smiles over Tsumugi’s shoulder, almost feeling tears come up. 

“I’m glad too.”

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i had super intense writers block when i wrote this... i could only get like 5 words at a time
> 
> i was focused on other. Things.
> 
> anyways i think its cool now... i worked pretty hard on it Ngl (kinda)
> 
> follow me on twitter i post funny sometimes: @knight_itaru


	6. Chapter 6

It’s not weird to stare at your friend’s body while he elegantly goes across the room, Tsumugi says to himself, as he does exactly that, completely fixated on the movement of his arms.

Definitely not weird.

He shakes his head to shake out the thought of Tasuku being attractive immediately, before getting up and stretching. 

“Done staring and ready to practice again?” Tasuku stops to look over his shoulder, making Tsumugi blush a little.

He walks towards Tasuku, nudging Tasuku’s arm. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get all cocky because I appreciate a good performance when I see one, Taa-chan.” He chuckles a bit at the end before going over to his area to practice his part specifically. 

“So you’re admitting I’m good?”

Tsumugi sighs. “Yes, yes… I am…” He laughs again.

Tsumugi watches the practice video again, sitting down to look at the dance break. It’s complicated and fast while still requiring the correct amount of sexiness and elegance. He buries his face in his hands, taking a big sigh, stretching his hands over his head, groaning a bit and getting up. 

Tsumugi walks over to the rest of them, each practicing their own parts.

“Can we do another group practice one last time?”

“Again?” Tasuku asks.

“I want to practice the dance break. It’s… a challenge.”

“You’ll be fine. Just a little more practice. Your moves need to be more impactful, of course.” Omi looks at him, getting Misumi and Hisoka, one still moving, the other in the corner almost sleeping to nod at him in agreement.

“Well… before we start, need anything? I’m in the mood for a little energy boost.” He starts shuffling through his bag on the right side of the practice room to take out his wallet. “I’m heading to the vending machines outside.”

“Ah… no. “ Azuma is sitting on the floor, stretching his body out. “Hurry back, okay? We don’t know when Utsuki-san will be here.”

“Utsuki-san?”

“The green haired guy on the panel. He was evaluating your dance, no?”

“I don’t really… remember?”

“Well, this is your chance to remember because whatever he says will stick to you like gum to a shoe.” Azuma gets up, stretching more. “He’s… intimidating, I’ll say that. Get back quick, okay?”

Tsumugi nods at him, heading to the door before being stopped by a tall green haired man, who fits the exact description Azuma said. He backs up quickly, getting out of his way.

“Hi there, everyone.” His voice is almost cold and steely. He turns to Tsumugi, looking down on him. “Where were you going?” 

“I was going to get umm…. Uhh…. A drink from the vending machines downstairs.” He stares back at him, with less and less confidence.

“I see. Tsumugi-san, hm?” Tsumugi nods quickly at him. “Stay for a bit. I’m here to evaluate.”

“Yes, sir.” Everyone else in the room rushes to clean up the things on the floor. 

The green haired man grabs a chair leaning on the side of the room, placing it in front of the mirror, taking out a clipboard with paper. ”Line up.” They get into line in front of the back wall quickly. “Well… I expect a lot from this group.” He pushes up his glasses, glaring at Tsumugi and Tasuku who are standing relaxedly before he glares at them. “Especially Tsukioka and Takato, as top ranking trainees.” He looks down at his clipboard, realizing what he forgot to do. “I’m Utsuki Chikage. I’ll be observing you today. Like I’ve said— I expect a lot.” He picks up the remote and starts the music.

Tsumugi is nervous. Reasonably so, as he begins to dance with the others, a bit embarrassed, but pushing through— until the dance break.

He takes a deep breath, moving to the beat until— he trips, and everything is over, everything feeling like it’s spinning out of his control. Omi picks him up quickly, continuing their routine. He moves out of the way quickly to make room for the actual main dancers, Misumi, Tasuku, and Hisoka hurrying their dance steps before the bridge comes in, Tsumugi coming back into the center, and doing his part.

Before he knows it, it’s over. 

Tsumugi and the others get side to side quickly before mentally preparing themselves. Well, more of Tsumugi doing it. He jumps a bit when Utsuki starts speaking.

“...So… Tsukioka-san, hm?”

He nods his head in respect, with a meek, “yes”.

“I’m disappointed in your performance today, looking at the others. Where’s your mind been?” He pinches the bridge of his nose in stabbing disappointment. He mumbles under his breath. “Talk about unprepared.” He gets up, finishing the last of his notes. “Well… keep practicing, especially you, Tsukioka-san. As someone who’s performed for a long time, you should not be on the same caliber as everyone else. Excluding Takato.”

Tsumugi feels like his heart stops when he says that he should be better than how he is now, especially when he says Tasuku’s name.

“Everyone else is fine, Misumi, you did amazing.” Misumi smiles and nods quickly, and Chikage nods back at him with a small smirk of satisfaction.

“Keep up the good work. Furuichi-san will come back to you with your MV filming date. And finally, your group name has been officialized. Work hard, Impact. See you till next time.” He leaves the practice room, a cold air leaving with him.

“Tsumugi, are you okay?” Azuma rushes over to him, while the other members stand idly, a bit stunned.

“No, I’m fine. I know I need to practice more anyways.” He gets his bag, taking out his wallet. “Do you guys need water now?” 

Tasuku looks at him like he has something to say, which he eventually gets out once Omi nudges his back. “...Don’t quit this time. You can do this.”

“Yeah.”

—

“Misumi!” Tasuku calls for him from the kitchen as he puts on his shoes to go out. 

“Tasuku! Do you want anything?” He’s ready to go already, already grabbing the door handle.

“Can you check on Tsumu? He’s been away for a while.” He looks down at his cup of water.

“Ooo~ is someone worried?” Azuma chimes in from the living room.

“No way. Tsumu always used to practice late, it’s just… thoughts.” He sounds unsure, like something bad might happen. “...So what if I’m  _ a little  _ worried. It’s only natural! It could be dangerous!”

“Hmm… I see.” Azuma mischievously smiles at him. “Misumi! Go do it! For me and Tasuku.” He turns away quickly, muttering just loud enough to allow Tasuku to hear. “Mainly Tasuku…”

“Hey!”

“I’ll be going now! Bye, Tasuku and Azuma-san!”

“Stay safe! It’s late and I don’t want another Hisoka on the streets!”

He runs out after putting on his shoes, quickly running, and grabbing whatever triangle resembling thing he can find.

—

Misumi peers into the practice room slowly, Tsumugi still there, closely studying the video, practicing the movements. The hallway is dark because no one’s traveled through it for a while, and when the lights turn on in the hallway, Tsumugi suddenly stops to stare into the door. 

He walks to the door, opening it, looking to the left first. “Is someone there?” 

Misumi peers over his back. “Tsumugi!”

He pounces on him like a dog. “Oh, hey Misumi.”

“You’re  _ really  _ practicing late!”

“Yeah… I don’t wanna mess up everything, right?” Tsumugi walks back into the practice room, Misumi just waiting outside the door. “Come in already! It’s not like it’s only my practice room, right?”

He steps in looking at Tsumugi, almost fixated on him while he sits down watching the video. 

“Misumi?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been staring at me for a long time.”

“Hmm… I just think you’re very nice!” He kneels down to Tsumugi’s level. “Aren’t you tired?” 

Tsumugi is silent for a bit before speaking to him. “Huh? Oh, sorry. I’m… good. I just wanna get this down, okay? Did Taa-chan send you?”

“No! I was just going triangle hunting. And then he asked me to check on you!” He pulls out a triangle plush from his hoodie pocket. “Here!” He pushes it towards Tsumugi, who’s wide eyed. “This is Sankaku-kun. For motivation!”

Tsumugi takes it from his hands and looks at it. “Thank you, Misumi! I really appreciate it.” 

“And as a bonus, I’ll stop hunting to help you practice!”

Tsumugi already starts denying it, stuttering before Misumi shoots up and starts yelling. “I won’t leave! I will help you, and there’s no getting out of it!” He looks at Tsumugi, pulling him, already starting.

“You’ve already got a lot of it down too! Just a couple parts need some work.”

Tsumugi doesn’t know what to say. ”Thanks, Misumi.”

“C’mon! I really wanna start!”

“Haha, okay, Misumi.” He looks at Misumi, who’s already gotten up and stretching out his hand. “Let’s start.

—

“Better.” Utsuki looks at the line of boys glancing across them. “Tsukioka-san?”

“Yes?”

“...Nice job. I’m glad you’re doing better.” He closes up his binder, and holds it in his armpit. “Now, just a reminder— the music video is being filmed tomorrow, okay? Get rest. Leave the practice room. Especially you, Hisoka.” He looks at Hisoka, who sticks his tongue out a bit in response, making Chikage smirk a bit as he leaves the practice room.

Everyone is frozen for a bit, until Tsumugi and Misumi look at each other. 

“Tsumugi!” He pounces on him like a dog, exactly like last night. “Did you hear him?!”

Tsumugi smiles and laughs awkwardly, patting him on the back like a dog. “Yeah, yeah, I did. I couldn’t have done it without you, Misumi.”

“Ah… so that’s why you spent so much time outside together.” Azuma looks at them. 

“Yeah. Misumi was a big help, especially with polishing my moves.”

Omi goes by Azuma’s side. “He’s always a big help, not only in the kitchen or grocery shopping.” Misumi’s eyes light up a bit, as he latches onto Omi instead of Tsumugi, who’s finally freed from his clutches.

“I’m glad you’re better now.” Tasuku chimes in, looking away, sulking almost like a child. 

“Taa-chan… are you mad I didn’t come to you?”

“W-what? No!” He almost looks like he’s curling into himself. “I’m proud of you… just don’t forget you can ask me for help.”

Tsumugi goes over to him. “I could never! You’ll always be the number one person to go to in my mind.” He pats him on the back.

“Well… as long as you think that…”

“Haha, okay, Taa-chan.” He smiles at him behind his back endearingly, before turning around.

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more i write this the more i want to start over but its TOO LATE...
> 
> also ive been thinking about a lot of other things too and theres a lot to sort though right now u feel
> 
> anyways i finally published enjoy

**Author's Note:**

> the TSUMUGI CARD i was talking about:  
> https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=File:(Eternally_Straying_Encounter)_Tsumugi_Action_SSR.png  
> STOP LOOKING LIKE THAT, WHORE!!! ILL EAT U!!!


End file.
